“The Secret Lawyers Aren’t Telling You: How To Pick A Family Mediator”

When you mediate your divorce, time is on your side.  So slow down and make well-thought out, educated decisions.  Your first task is to choose a well-qualified, mediator.  Look for a mediator who has the skill to help you and your former spouse reach a consensus about how to co-parent your children.  What experience has the mediator had parenting children from the early years all the way through to adulthood?  Does the mediator have the financial experience and knowledge to guide you as you decide how to divide up your family assets and debts?  Does the mediator have a good working knowledge of family law? 

A talented mediator knows that lack of time and time pressure can pose serious barriers to conflict resolution.  A party who has a preoccupation with time will hinder themselves from thinking freely and creatively and will hinder the other party from doing the same.  Choose a mediator who can create a mediation environment that is a safe haven for both you and your former spouse.  A mediator who will teach you both to take the time to really listen and talk to each other.  When interviewing the mediators, ask them how they create a mediation environment that encourages both parties to talk in calmness about critically important issues.  Wise mediators know to slow down the pace in the beginning phases of the mediation.  Then they speed up the pace of the mediation considerably when it is clear that the parties understand the causes of their conflict and understand each other’s interests and needs as co-parents and as former spouses.  Time is on your side when you mediate your divorce if you and your former spouse choose the right mediator. 

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